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  #161  
Unread 03-26-2017, 03:28 AM
Schlansky Schlansky is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stallion009 View Post

Does anyone else get these feelings with their pursuit of better aesthetics?
I can totally relate to that.
When I was around 10% body fat, I was generally happy with clothes on, depending on the lighting I felt either ok or fat. I couldnīt look at my entire body and appreciate what I had done, but only focused on the weak spots, stubborn fat here, lacking muscle and asymmetry there etc.

Now that I have gained 15kg of fat and I look at those pictures, I just want to look like that again. I see no imperfections anymore and would be extremely happy to be at that point again.

I came to the realization, that this isnīt necessarily a psychopathology, but rather a quite human thing: we arenīt happy with what we have - we crave more. Most people I know, no matter what they do - bodybuilders, academics, artists, athletes - are not happy with where they are, they want more. No matter what they achieve, the second the achieve it, they crave something else, something better.

So no matter how big/shredded I will be, I will feel forever small/fat if I donīt work on being comfortable with what I have. Letting that "craving to be better" go and focusing on being happy during the process seems to be the only way to avoid being unsatisfied all the time.
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  #162  
Unread 03-27-2017, 02:00 AM
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tellurium tellurium is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Schlansky View Post
I can totally relate to that.
When I was around 10% body fat, I was generally happy with clothes on, depending on the lighting I felt either ok or fat. I couldnīt look at my entire body and appreciate what I had done, but only focused on the weak spots, stubborn fat here, lacking muscle and asymmetry there etc.

Now that I have gained 15kg of fat and I look at those pictures, I just want to look like that again. I see no imperfections anymore and would be extremely happy to be at that point again.

I came to the realization, that this isnīt necessarily a psychopathology, but rather a quite human thing: we arenīt happy with what we have - we crave more. Most people I know, no matter what they do - bodybuilders, academics, artists, athletes - are not happy with where they are, they want more. No matter what they achieve, the second the achieve it, they crave something else, something better.

So no matter how big/shredded I will be, I will feel forever small/fat if I donīt work on being comfortable with what I have. Letting that "craving to be better" go and focusing on being happy during the process seems to be the only way to avoid being unsatisfied all the time.
Perfectly summarized. The day you start lifting weights, is the day that you will always be chasing the next thing (bigger arms, bench PB, etc.)

When I was powerlifting and walking round at 250-260 @ 25% bodyfat, I was happy and big and focussing on strength. Then after my dieting down to 15% I realised how awful I looked before and now I'm chipping away trying to get to 10%, I can see more and more imperfections.
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  #163  
Unread 03-31-2017, 07:51 AM
stallion009 stallion009 is offline
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Thanks for the comments you guys. It makes sense that as humans, if we were content with things, we wouldn't pursue anything better. Though I still think I'm probably being a lot more negative on myself than I should be. I always understood that my goals would evolve and grow as I move along, but I didn't think I would be such a downer on where I'm at.
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  #164  
Unread 03-31-2017, 08:04 AM
stallion009 stallion009 is offline
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Here is my average monthly update:



Currently on an upward trend with three weeks of maintenance. Speaking of maintenance, I'm having difficulty figuring out where my maintenance calories are. The main problem is that I'm super water sensitive. At times my weight is bouncing around and other times I'm consistent.

What I have figured out is that I'm still quite hungry at 2500 calories (which is roughly 15 cals/lbs. I'm unsure if this is the other side of the coin with being below 15% BF and my body fighting with me more. ie: my body just wants to put on weight. I've been flirting more lately with 3000 calories and so far things seem consistent, but I know it'll take me more than three weeks to get a good idea of where that magic number is.
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  #165  
Unread 04-01-2017, 09:18 AM
stallion009 stallion009 is offline
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2017

Average Week 0: 80.56kg/177.6lbs
Average Week 1: 79.00kg/174.2lbs (-1.56kg/-3.4lbs)
Average Week 2: 78.01kg/172.0lbs (-0.99kg/-2.2lbs)
Average Week 3: 78.34kg/172.7lbs (+0.33kg/+0.70lbs)
Average Week 4: 77.17kg/170.13lbs (-1.17kg/-2.57lbs)
Average Week 5: 78.34kg/172.71lbs (+1.17kg/+2.58lbs) [Maintenance Week 1]
Average Week 6: 78.46kg/172.97lbs (+0.12kg/+0.26lbs) [Maintenance Week 2]
Average Week 7: 76.92kg/169.58lbs (-1.54kg/-3.39lbs)
Average Week 8: 76.13kg/167.84lbs (-0.79kg/-1.74lbs)
Average Week 9: 76.76kg/169.23lbs (+0.63kg/+1.39lbs)
Average Week 10: 75.13kg/165.63lbs (-1.63kg/-3.60lbs)
Average Week 11: 77.94kg/171.83lbs (+2.81kg/+6.20lbs) [Maintenance Week 1]
Average Week 12: 77.62kg/171.12lbs (-0.32kg/-0.71lbs) [Maintenance Week 2]

Two weeks of maintenance down, one more to go. Surprisingly things are quite stable weight wise. I've been a tad liberal with my calories, so I'm pretty happy with that.

I'm getting close to my last run of deficit before I break for a while. I'm hoping I can get it done in two weeks. I don't think I can go any longer - at least at this pace. I was thinking maybe the plan for the future would be a month of maintenance and than a small deficit run - but honestly I'm not sure.

Just looking forward to the end of this.
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  #166  
Unread 04-01-2017, 03:53 PM
infiniteopacity infiniteopacity is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2015
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stallion009 View Post
Thanks for the comments you guys. It makes sense that as humans, if we were content with things, we wouldn't pursue anything better. Though I still think I'm probably being a lot more negative on myself than I should be. I always understood that my goals would evolve and grow as I move along, but I didn't think I would be such a downer on where I'm at.
I find this human psychology very interesting. I think certain personality types have a propensity for this sort of thinking. I am very similar to you. It's good to be self aware.
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  #167  
Unread 04-03-2017, 09:10 AM
stallion009 stallion009 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by infiniteopacity View Post
I find this human psychology very interesting. I think certain personality types have a propensity for this sort of thinking. I am very similar to you. It's good to be self aware.
It is definitely an interesting topic. Being aware of it, at least lets me know that I should work on it in some capacity. I'd prefer to be happy and like where I'm at, but at the same time want to grow and move forward. Essentially, "awesome, I finished this step, time for the next one."

------------

Lately I've been having crappy sleeps for whatever reason. I'm not exactly sure what it is... I think I'm restless. Maybe too much TV time before bed. Since I go to the gym first thing in the morning, I've been skipping them to get more hours in bed. Skipping the gym isn't a big deal. I was probably ready for a break anyway.
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  #168  
Unread 04-05-2017, 11:49 AM
stallion009 stallion009 is offline
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Update:

So. Even though I'm on maintenance, my weight has been on a trend downward. Well, last night while sleeping I got hungry. And yes, I had that horrible hunger-nauseous feeling. I can't describe how crappy that feeling can be.

I've decided that I won't do my cut next week.

It was my planned last cut (to drop the last 1kg net - so 74kg) and I just not in the position to do it - at least in that capacity. I think to myself, it's only 1kg to lose, suck it up. And I also think, it's 1kg, there's no rush. It's just such a crappy feeling now that my body really does fight me. Even though I'm supposed to be in maintenance and I've been slowly trending down - this crappy feeling has eluded me for the most part. So I'm thinking it's time for me to transition to slower/small deficit cuts and think more long term.

Maintenance has been great for me. I feel better. I'm having trouble figuring out my maintenance calories (which is resulting in a downward trend), but this is good. I thought I'd be stuck in this 2400 calorie zone for maintenance as some sort of normal. But the longer I stick with maintenance, the more I realize my TDEE is higher. Maybe it's moving higher or I just haven't had the time to figure it out, but it's good.

That's the update. I'm not going back into a deficit for a while. Just going to stick with maintenance and when I do deficit again, it'll be small and slow.
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  #169  
Unread 04-08-2017, 01:30 PM
stallion009 stallion009 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 189
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2017

Average Week 0: 80.56kg/177.6lbs
Average Week 1: 79.00kg/174.2lbs (-1.56kg/-3.4lbs)
Average Week 2: 78.01kg/172.0lbs (-0.99kg/-2.2lbs)
Average Week 3: 78.34kg/172.7lbs (+0.33kg/+0.70lbs)
Average Week 4: 77.17kg/170.13lbs (-1.17kg/-2.57lbs)
Average Week 5: 78.34kg/172.71lbs (+1.17kg/+2.58lbs) [Maintenance Week 1]
Average Week 6: 78.46kg/172.97lbs (+0.12kg/+0.26lbs) [Maintenance Week 2]
Average Week 7: 76.92kg/169.58lbs (-1.54kg/-3.39lbs)
Average Week 8: 76.13kg/167.84lbs (-0.79kg/-1.74lbs)
Average Week 9: 76.76kg/169.23lbs (+0.63kg/+1.39lbs)
Average Week 10: 75.13kg/165.63lbs (-1.63kg/-3.60lbs)
Average Week 11: 77.94kg/171.83lbs (+2.81kg/+6.20lbs) [Maintenance Week 1]
Average Week 12: 77.62kg/171.12lbs (-0.32kg/-0.71lbs) [Maintenance Week 2]
Average Week 13: 77.24kg/170.28lbs (-0.38kg/-0.84lbs) [Maintenance Week 3]

Third week of maintenance done. Even though the number is down, I have been up. It's obviously water. It's sort of weird - on a deficit a sodium based pop in weight takes roughly 48hrs to flush out, on maintenance it takes longer. Whatever the reason is for that, but just an observation. I've tightened up on the calories a bit with the observation, but alas water weight sticks around and that's that.

I also add that this is the end of the journal. It was a good run. I surpassed the goal I had when I started this - to get to 15% BF. I'm sitting roughly around 13%, so that's a success.

As explained in some earlier posts, deficits are becoming quite rough for me and the body fights me, so I'm transitioning to a more long term game. I still want to tighten up from a body fat percentage point of view, but I'm going to think about such plans over a longer timeline. I just want to maintain for a while. I also want to focus on physical goals (rather than physique goals) for now.

The journal is retired now. I'll be starting a new one for my future endeavors. I'll post a link when I start it.

Last edited by stallion009 : 04-08-2017 at 01:32 PM.
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